NoYou misogynist moron, you disgust me. Proceed no further. Your conference it not approved. Mitigating Circumstances?
3
Does the racial distribution of minority speakers or panel members include each (at least one) of the following?: African, Hispanic, Middle-Eastern, Indian (or Pakistani), Japanese (or Chinese, Korean, or Mongolian)?
NoLooks like someone doesn’t understand the meaning of orthodox tokenism, you filthy racist pig. Proceed no further. Your conference it not approved. Mitigating Circumstances?
4
Does the sexual-orientation distribution of your minority speakers or panel members include each (at least one) of the following?: Gay, Lesbian, Transgender (NOTE: “straight” need not be included)
NoYou putrid homophobe, you disgust me. Proceed no further. Your conference it not approved. Mitigating Circumstances?
5
Will at least one of your speakers’ presentations focus on diversity, inclusion, or tolerance?
Yes
No
YesCongratulations! If you were able to answer yes to all of the preceding questions, your conference is approved.
NoFail! You clearly know nothing about tech or design.
Your conference it not approved. Mitigating Circumstances?
If your conference is approved, you may display the Qu.O.T.A. Seal of Approval on your conference website.
Please place it in the header of your site, lest our Compliance Squad members miss it by mistake (which would not go well for you and your conference!).
What if my conference doesn’t meet the Qu.O.T.A. standard?
If you are not happy with the Conference Qu.O.T.A. System’s assessment or believe there are mitigating circumstances worth consideration you may:
Seek binding arbitration from the Arbitrary Qualification-Offset Tolerance Administration Board (Arbitrary Qu.O.T.A. Board).
1. Speaker Diversity Bonuses
Each lesbian speaker or panel member counts as 2 women
Each gay speaker or panel member counts additionally as 1 woman
Each Canadian speaker or panel member may* count additionally as 1 woman (*case by case)
Each speaker or panel member resident of San Francisco or New York City counts additionally as 1 woman
Faruk Ateş counts as 3 women
Mike Monteiro counts additionally as 1 gay married couple
Sara Wachter Boettcher counts additionally as 1 of any of the following: African, Hispanic, Middle-Eastern, Indian, Pakistani, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, or Mongolian, gay, lesbian, or transgender
To complete your diversity training regimen with famed sensitivity-whisperer Dame Faruk Ateş, simply write an article or blog post about the damage done to society by the notion of arbitrary diversity. Dame Faruk Ateş will notice a disturbance in The Force and come calling. Thereupon s/he will write approximately 2000 words per day in blog comments or posts taking you to task and explaining in great detail the grave mistake you’ve made. You must read all of Dame Faruk Ateş’ comments and posts for a period of 2 weeks. At which point you will have satisfied your diversity training requirements.
3. Arbitration
The Arbitrary Q.U.O.T.A. Board will hear your case, weigh the facts and mitigating circumstances, and then hand down a ruling. The Arbitrary Qu.O.T.A. Board’s ruling is final and binding.
Things the Arbitrary Qu.O.T.A. Board will consider as mitigation:
I (the conference organizer) am a woman or minority.
There is a good chance the Qu.O.T.A. rules do not apply to you.
I (the conference organizer) am socially liberal, progressive, socialist, or Marxist.
There is a good chance the Qu.O.T.A. rules do not apply to you.
I (the conference organizer) have been socially conservative all my life, but now wish to convert to progressivism/Marxism.
The Qu.O.T.A. rules do not apply to you. Moreover, our administration would like to interview you and publish a feature on your life, values, and enlightenment in the many Qu.O.T.A. member publications (Communication Arts, AIGA website, Design Observer, and others)
Dame Faruk Ateş or Sara Wachter Boettcher will be attending my conference.
There is a good chance the Qu.O.T.A. rules do not apply to you.
I (the conference organizer) am gay, lesbian, or transgender.
There is a good chance the Qu.O.T.A. rules do not apply to you.
