The Conference Qu.O.T.A. System is brought to you by the
Tokenist Union for Required Diversity and Statistics
We are design and tech professionals in service to inclusiveness, tolerance, and arbitrary diversity; ensuring we all do it together the same way and according to the same idea and same plan, as prescribed by union administration.
We do for minorities what they couldn’t possibly do for themselves…so long as they precisely follow our arbitrary-diversity dictates and collectivist ideology.
Everyone’s business is our business.
We speak for all minorities (so shut up and let us do the talking).
We are legion.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are there still design and tech conferences that champion racism and misogyny?
Of course! Look around. Anytime you see a speaker lineup or panel that includes few or even no women and minorities, it is incontrovertible proof that the conference organizer and panel are all racists and misogynists. Those who go to such conferences are complicit in this obvious crime. Despicable people.
What if despite my best efforts I’m unable to attract any or enough women and minorities?
Doesn’t matter, you racist, misogynist pig. The only thing that matters in conferences is diversity of result. Sure, women and minorities might not want to participate, but they’re not capable of making proper decisions so it’s your job to make decisions for them.
I’m a straight white male and I’m organizing a conf…
Omigod, shut up! You are disgusting and in no way qualified to organize a conference. You couldn’t possibly do it right. Your days of white privilege are over. It’s OUR time now. We are legion and it's high time everyone thinks like us. Diversity!
I’m a woman (or minority) and want to organize a conference. Can the T.U.R.D.S. assist with my event?
Certainly! In fact, given your minority status, you’ll probably find it’s too difficult for you to do it on your own. Contact our office and let us do for you. The Tokenist Union for Required Diversity and Statistics has pricing plans to suit all minority budgets.
Is there any bonus for including socially conservative designer(s) in the speaker lineup?
Ugh, no. You’ve missed the point of diversity. Diversity only works so long as we all think alike. The beautiful rainbow of colors and genders and sexual orientations at our conferences would all be meaningless if we allowed the pollution of different ideas or ideologies.
But isn’t the whole point of a conference to present challenging ideas and new information?
That’s a common misconception. The point of a conference is affirmation of what you already believe. A conference allows like-minded people to gather together and feel good about their uniformity—in a diverse way—free from ideological challenge. Challenges, should they arise, should only challenge us as designers, not as people. As people we must all be the same, else the system breaks down.
What happens if my conference is not approved, but I hold it anyway, despite my not being a racist or homophobe or misogynist?
Nice try. You are what the Conference Qu.O.T.A. System says you are. Good intentions don’t matter. Your character doesn’t matter. Effort doesn’t matter. So-called facts don’t matter. The only thing that matters is whether or not your event checked off all the right boxes. Diversity is a requirement, not just a happy possible result of free-willed people making independent choices.
If you hold your unapproved conference, we will know and we will find you and we will publicly proclaim that you are a racist, misogynist, homophobic troglodyte.